The "A&TT" Connection: A Right Relationship at the Wrong Time

A few years ago I met a guy that I thought was The Guy for me. We both had a passion for the same things, we both at the time worked in he same field, we both worshiped at the SAME church, I was like LORD THIS IS MY BOAZ!!! I was so overzealous in my mind, I was planning the wedding, inviting guests, and at the time I had 2 conversations with him, SMH… I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE HERE LADIES! 🙂 In getting to know him, I was on one page and he was on another. I began to see that he was so controlled and structured and I was more care-free and in some ways he balanced me out. What I did not see however was my “desperate” need and want to be in a relationship, that I did not realize that I was not looking at the issues I was bringing onto myself, and then not taking into consideration the issues that he had as well. In a lot we became each other’s distraction of not dealing with the things that were pressing in our lives. Because of that we conflicted on a lot things, struggled in communication and were on total opposite ends of the book. I wanted a relationship but I was broken, he could have wanted a relationship but he was not ready for that because of things he was dealing with internally. What began to happen was our issues played out in our behaviors and it became toxic and negative. I remember one particular event when were at a place and we began to argue. The argument got so intense that we both were insulting and hurtful to one another. I remember being home after and crying about it. I felt like he was the worst man in the world and how the Hell could I have wanted to be in a relationship with someone so controlling and not willing to deal with his crap but always pointing out my stuff. It was then when I heard God saying to be, “What about your issues and Your demands?”. I sat up and was said “what”? What God began to show me is that I not only was demanding something of him he was clearly not ready for, but wanted to be prepared for (I messed that up… so I thought) but I was being extremely selfish because I wanted something from him that he could not give me at that time because it was God’s job to heal my broken places and a relationship with him would just be a bandaid and if it had progressed to marriage it would have been completely miserable, two broken individuals cannot make a whole, no matter how many of both pieces you put together. Fast Forward to the present, we reconnected after not speaking to each other for almost two years. Within those two years, he had dated other people, so had I. I actually had a baby within those years(but thats another blog 🙂 However in reconnecting, we again found ourselves in the same situation, at the same time, with the same goals, same passions BUT with a different mindset and healed heart. Time apart had allowed us to get with who really could “fix” us and change us from the inside out. We relate better, understand one another better and have a deeper respect for one another. You can truly see the transformation that has taken place because we each took the time to work on ourselves. We both took that break to understand what our needs Really were, took them to the one who provides ALL our needs and was able to come back to one another in a more peaceful and communal way. I appreciate that we both have something to give and that we connect on a level that could not be attained before. Our passions match and we can help each other stay accountable to each other, Our Mission and Service to God. Lesson Learned: Relationships-Friendships are often tricky. YOU have to take the time to look at the purpose of the connection and act accordingly. Sometimes what you have for someone, they are not able to receive it right then and there. Sometimes the connection is not about romance, its about the gift of learning, understanding or just having that person take you to the next level of yourself or pushing you in the Fire to be “Refined” a little more. Thats what I learned. At the time we met, my heart and mind was not in the right place. I wanted the wrong thing for the Right relationship. He was not meant for me in that capacity, and at that time especially that was not his purpose. What I did get from him was he taught me how important it is to know YOU before you connect to anyone else. Its important to fill in your gaps, and voids before you connect with anyone else. Now I understand that relationships are give and take. I have something I can give to him without an ulterior motive, or preconceived thoughts and he is able to give to me what I need for this season in my life. I am grateful to have him, especially at this particular time. I understand that this could not have happened before and God was gracious enough to clean us both and then to put us back into the same pond to find each other to swim together again. When you know who you are and what you have to give you can recognize those who are meant to be in your life and why. Dont mistake a lesson that has to be taught for a relationship out of selfish want, I guarantee you will miss out on the bigger blessing. BeInspired, Be Blessed Signed- One SXSI Lady