Heal to Love for Real: My Thoughts on Real Love and LHHNY

Everyone I know watches the “Ratchet TV” Love and Hip Hop New York. I used to think that the show was really silly yet entertaining but I started to watch it from a different eye. On Sunday night I watched the Reunion part 1 and I was literally hurting for the women that I saw on the stage, I also hurt for the men who took advantage of the women because of their lack of love and healing in themselves.

After watching the reunion I went back to catch up on the story line and to view what I missed out on. I was truly saddened and slightly disturbed by what I saw. Women older and younger, loving men who couldn’t love them enough to heal them but continued to either stay with them or go back and forth with them not realizing they were digging the wound deeper and making it next to impossible to be healed properly. The one character I truly felt for was Erica Mena. People can say what they choose about her but this was my observation. Here is a young woman, mother, trying to make a name for herself in the world but carrying around the baggage of abandonment, hurt, pain, abuse, and all wrapped up in the desire to be loved. Then you have Rich who is a man who deals with the inability to love truly because he has his own issues with self and accomplishment from a male perspective so he sees Ms. Mena as someone who needs and is looking for that love, attention, and the “daddy issues” gives it to her with a long handed spoon, doesn’t make much sense does it? This cycle of back and forth of “love” was birthed out of one person looking for something that they themselves are incapable of giving but took advantage of a situation of a person who cannot recognize what real, true authentic love looks like, but recognizes the mirages of what your first love of a Father is supposed to give but becomes tainted in sex, lies and deceit because the foundation is lust and selfishness.
 Now you have “Love “ in dysfunction in two people who are desperate for healing but do not have the tools to love for real nor have they taken the time to truly dig through the pain  within themselves to be able to give and receive love genuinely. So what you have are two people acting out their wounded hearts onto each other.  It saddens me to see this happen because there are so many people, mainly young women in this world that are walking around with wounded hearts and broken pieces and they are in relationships that are not conducive to their condition so they end up hurting themselves as well as the other person in a cycle that never ends, and what’s worse is they go from relationship to relationship building on the hurt and continuously infecting each other and never taking the time to heal.
Love is the purest condition of the heart that when used and given in the right way is the best medicine for a broken, hurt and bruised heart. Love is a word we use and throw around for many reasons but a few of the main reasons are to get attention from someone we may be connected to, to express our gratitude to someone and genuine care for another person, or we say it because it is something to be said during special occasions or worse to get what we want, which then makes it selfish and love is definitely not selfish. I think what people are missing is that love is not just an emotion, it is action. Love is not just something you Give or Say it is something you Do and Are. The perfect example of love is summed up in these words: Love is: Patient, Kind, Does not Envy, Does not Boast, Is not Proud, Not Rude, Not Selfish, Not Easily Angered, Keeps no record of Wrongs, Does not delight in Evil, Always Rejoices in Truth, Always Protects, Always Trusts and Always Perseveres, and Never Fails.
If we truly lived out love in this way, many hearts will heal and be not easily broken. Now do not get me wrong, love can disappoint and hurt but it is not out of selfishness. We are human beings and are prone to error but we can choose to not do something or say something or take advantage if love is really there.
My point: True Love is a healing agent and when used properly in taking the time to love on yourself first  and apply it to the broken and shattered parts of yourself, you will find that it will be easier for you to recognize real love (as I type this right now Mary J. Is bumping in the back ground, “Real Love” from the ‘What’s the 411′ album, ironic) and give genuine love from a pure place not out of hurt and pain. By ignoring your hurts and pains and then piling on new issues, new hurts and counterfeit “love” on top of what is already damaged and in need of repair, you will soon realize there is more chaos and unauthentic love breeding and causing more interior damage which leads to destruction for all parties involved.
When Real Love comes into play it immediately recognizes the hurts and sees the vulnerability as either an opportunity  to walk away for that person to be healed and be whole completely or they will put on the gloves to help to heal instead of taking advantage and adding to the already broken heart.  So In the cases of Erica Mena and Rich, Tahiry and Joe Budden, Amina, Tara and Peter Gunz, they are all broken people who need to be healed completely from the inside out. The beauty about love is that if its for you it will come around to you again and when its true love  it covers you and comforts you in good and bad experiences. My prayer is that they recognize it and get what they need before connecting to another broken heart. To the women of the LHHNY, I am sure they know they are valuable but it is one thing to know it, and another to live like it. Making choices that match how you really think of yourself. Most of them are mothers and we (I am mother as well and I am walking in this experience as well) must live the way we desire for our children to live, be and feel about themselves.
For the men of LHHNY: love is not just an emotion, it is action. As a man and what I have learned and continue to experience, do not just say you love a woman and you are not willing to protect her and provide for her not just physical needs. Love is NOT sex, intimacy is deeper than being naked without clothing. Men take this time to really understand what a man is and how love operates in you, for yourself. Take ownership of love lost in your life and see how that plays out in your actions and treatment of women as a Grown man in age. Recognize there are parts of you that are wounded and if you desire to truly love a woman who is “down for you”, get “down” with yourself and learn what it means to love you first, nurture that little boy, young man and then you can experience love like you have never known it before.
Love is what Love Does, and that is Truth. Healing is the first step to experience Authentic Love for Real.