"She Proposed"?

In the age of the “Independent Woman”, “Phenomenal Woman”, “Boss Lady”, I am beginning to wonder if we have over stepped boundaries. This past weekend I have encountered a heavily detailed discussion regarding whether a man should pursue a woman who prefers to be “wined and dined” rather than cooking at home. My personal view on that discussion is that in this generation; men don’t want to have to come out of pocket on dates and such and don’t want to invest in building a committed relationship. However they prefer a woman to be that “independent woman” and Pay for them, Cook for them and Enjoy the perks of committed relationship with no personal investment. In light of this mind-frame that some females have bought into, these same females are taking matters further into their own hands and have decided “if we are going this far (paying for meals, taking care of our men, I love him, he loves me then why don’t I just propose to keep the ball rolling, because he will never do it”. A sad case of events, isn’t it?

While I can understand why this is can be an option and somewhat of a last resort for some women, I on the other hand am not in agreement with this decision at all. One mainly because of my own personal views and mindset of the order of God. I am in agreement that women can run companies, be CEO’s, have their own business but the start and building of the foundation for the family unit, that process must and should begin with the man and that is his pursuit of “Finding” Engaging and Marrying his Chosen wife. This SHOULD Not be up to the woman. A man is a man and by nature men go after what he wants, when he wants it. If he is a man and  has “dated”a woman for an extended period of time ( more than 2 years) and has not proposed, he either:
1. Does not see the woman as marriage material
2. Is weighing his options to see if she could “possibly” be “The One” but he isn’t sold on her
3. Doesn’t feel the need to marry the woman because she is already giving him everything a wife would so he doesn’t feel the need to marry her. With these factors in place some women have taken it upon themselves to “hurry” the process and propose themselves. What these women do not realize is that they are taken the man’s natural right of pursuit and have stepped into their role as the man.

The bible is Direct in stating that ” He who finds a Wife, Finds a Good thing and Favor in the Sight of God” (Proverbs 18:22) As a woman who doesn’t want to be seen as a “Good Thang”? When a man finds a woman he is obtaining Favor from God because of that woman. I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the favor of God, so let me explain.  There is a phrase that Christians say, “Favor ain’t Fair”. Favor is having something that you should not have gotten but because God has blessed you and anointed you, you have access to it. That’s another key word, “access”. When women propose it is giving a man access to you without having sought you out. A friend of mine ( male) once said, “don’t be so quick to drop your panties for a man who would rather take them off you slowly because he worked for it”. The best advice I’ve ever gotten. When we pursue a man to propose we are giving up our role as women and the man cannot step up and take on his rightful role as a leader. As Christians our example is Christ and He pursues our hearts as His bride and we love Him in return for loving us, so the same is the man who finds us should pursue us the same. If we propose we are breaking that order. The same with society, that is how it was. The man sought a woman, pursued her, married her and then “bedded” her or in other words had sex and that is how it was.

Women of this new generation. It it okay to be in charge, to be the boss but let’s not take it ALL away from the man. We should not HAVE to do it all AND propose. Lets bask in the glory of being women and remain treasures that need to be found. Lets enjoy being swept off our feet, being joined together with our Mr.Right and let Him decide that we Are the Mrs. Right and Only Woman for him and he is willing to forsake all other for Our hand.

You are a Diamond, a best kept treasure until its your time to be on display! Until next time, Be You, Stay True and Live SXSI!

One SXSI Lady


Transitions of Life Pt.1

I know its been a while since I have written but I have taken somewhat of a break for the summer months and I have been in a period of Transition and Rebuilding. It has been a lot of shedding that has taken place in my life in these last 2 months. Uncomfortable shedding to say the least. I have endured some painful blows, so painful I did not think I would come back from it. It really sent me to a place that I thought I could not recoup from. Let me give you an example:

I started working at a job in November 2013. Getting this job was a shock and a miracle at the same time. I was not looking for a job because I had it in my mind that I was going to “do my OWN thing” and be an entrepreneur and make a lot of money on MY OWN. While I am still an entrepreneur, I realized that there is a process to it and a time of preparation and people DO NOT make money overnight, contrary to popular belief. Once I realized that I accepted the job and began to go through my transition process I quickly realized I was NOT CEO material and I had some learning, growing and developing to do. You see I thought I had all the answers and if I just “did my thing” everything would work out. No, a couple of ground rules in wanting to be in business for yourself:
1. Know Your Flaws, Own them and Work On Them! That is something I did not do prior. One of the things I recognizes through this job is that I had a serious habit of procrastinating which KILLS productivity!
2. Understand who you are trying to reach and research what you want to do. Sorry to break it to some of you but you are NOT the only one who wants to do or IS doing what you want to do. Know your Industry and stand out. I was Completely frustrated with the fact that there were so many people who want to empower young women. I almost let go of the dream but God had to redirect my focus. I soon found that there is room for everyone and their purpose, you just have to know your role, stay in your lane and move forward!
3. Delay is NOT Denial!!!!! I Cannot stress this enough! I struggled because I felt like, now I am at a job, how the heck am I going to be in business for myself, this is delaying the process, blah, blah, blah!!! NO!!! If you are thinking like that STOP IT NOW!!!!! There is a reason for you have not begun or started what you are wanting to start, there is something you need to learn, an area you need to go in before you can go full force! Trust me, its better to be prepared than to go out there and you are Not together! I am not saying you have to be Perfect but there are Basic Self Development skills you must have and learn and it takes time, so Be patient with yourself! As my Master Coach taught me, You can only go as fast as the slowest part of yourself ( That will click in a moment).

So once I understood my reason for having to go to work, I began to develop parts of me that would be necessary for having my own business. I began networking, meeting people, putting myself on a schedule, and it started to show me that I would have been chewed up in the world I was going into.

Many of us, have been in a season of transition. The transition may have been in a relationship, work, school related, with our children. Transitioning brings about anxiety at times, not knowing what the next step is or knowing what the next step is but not wanting to go out and make the change necessary to go to the next level in life. One suggestion I can make is, being honest with your place of current reality. Looking at your transition placement and knowing where you want to go. In other words here are some tips for transition:
1. Look at your current reality, assess the changes needed, Embrace the change that Will take place
2. Know where you want to go and devise a plan to get there, if you need help, I am HERE!!!! 🙂
(I will put my info at the end of this posting)
3. If you feel stuck, take a breath, reevaluate your position and course correct if necessary
4. Work towards moving forward in a pace that is comfortable FOR YOU! Some people tend to think transition needs to happen when other people say it does, NO! Your life if your life and your process is YOUR process! We live on God’s time Not Ours!
5. Be Patient with Your Process! Change is Constant and Inevitable! Transitions help us grow, be better, do better and Live Free!

I hope you were Inspired, Encouraged and Impacted to Move! If you want to learn more or need help in making steps to transition, or feel stuck, Please email me at thowze83@gmail.com or comment on the post with your email address and I will GLADLY get back to you to see how I may serve you! I enjoy sharing my life and being transparent, My life isn’t my own and if I can help someone, I have done my duty!

Until Next Time, Be You, Stay True, Live SXSI!

Integrity/Lifestyle Coach
SXSI-She Xercises Self Integrity