My B.R.A.V.E. Mom Story: The Anti-Mom

The Anti-Mom?????

Yes, you read right, the “Anti-Mom” all of 4 years being apart of the mommy club, I never wanted to be one. To top it off, I’m a single one at that. Nothing about babies and children excites me. The whining, crying, the “can I have” when they have obvious full bellies, nope not a fan. I get frustrated when all I want to do is have a moment to myself and a need arises that takes precedence over my own craving for “me time”. Oh how I miss the days of old when My time was MY TIME!

This may come to a shock for some of you and some of you may send me hate messages and nasty comments of me saying what I am saying but the truth is, you think it, you just don’t say it. Its not easy being a single mom who once was so free in being a single woman. I used to be carefree, go and come as I pleased and didn’t have any restrictions on what I could and could not do. Before you judge let me tell you a story…

When I was 6 years old I was put into foster care. My birth mom was a drug addict and because of her addiction and lack of mothering, the city got involved and I was taken from her. Not knowing what my life was about to turn into upon being separated, I never had the opportunity to grow up with her. She never got to raise me and that mother daughter bond wasn’t formed. My adopted mother, my angel stepped in and picked up the slack. She was and still is incredible but I still felt that feeling of abandonment and loss of a bond. I felt like I could not really bond with my adopted mom.

Growing up I had low patience with kids. I loved my neices and nephews but I knew I didn’t want to have any of my own. When I became a young adult, my heart and mind was still convinced that children weren’t for me. They annoyed me, required A LOT of attention and I was selfish. Yep, I have no shame. In 2010, I told my sister, “I don’t think I’m meant to be a mom”. Exactly a year later, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was Devasted! This isn’t what I wanted! Not at all! What was going to do now? Although I wanted to get an abortion, my heart and spirit wouldn’t let me.

The day I found out I was having a little girl, I cried. Not only was I having a baby but a little girl at that! Without having that mother/ daughter bond every little girl is supposed to have that I didn’t, how was I going to bond with her? What was I going to teach her? How could I love her and I didn’t really want her? (So I thought) The day arrived and my little Victory was born. I looked at her face and I didn’t feel that little flutter or unspeakable love that most mothers feel, nope. I felt pain, I felt frustration and just disappointment. How was I going to raise this little person that I didn’t know how to even love or bond with?

Its been 4 years and I have learned:
1. Just because I am a mother, doesn’t mean I have to give up being a young single woman! She has reminded me that it’s important not to let myself go, she watches me and everything I do, who better to teach her to be FAB than Me?

2. Being a mom is about sacrifice not death to your dreams and goals! I thought I would have to let go of everything I wanted to do with my life. She taught me that it’s Because of her that I can do that and more!

3. As a woman, you can be Super but you Need a Village! She has brought about so many amazing people in my life. I am so blessed to know that people in my life truly are there for me and even though I knew that, she put on the flashlight on their faces.

4. Love starts as a seed… When she was born I didn’t feel that head over heels love, at 1 I still didn’t feel it, at 2 I started to appreciate her presence, at 3 I felt like life would be awkward without her and now at 4 I know she has a purpose in my life that without her I could not be me. I can’t live without her, that’s true love and I do Feel it, Experience it Everyday, maybe not all day but everyday!

I’m not going to say I don’t have anti-mom moments, I have them often but I don’t regret being one. My daughter is my best teacher. She teaches me how to be a better woman, how to manage a business, how to tolerate the most difficult people, and oh did I forget about PATIENCE?! She teaches me how to make effective choices and what it means to live a balanced life.

Being a mom is tough, I don’t always enjoy it or love it like most members of the mommy club but I am honored to have been chosen to be apart of it. It’s bigger than me and for that, I will always strive to be my best.

So to all the mommies who can relate to my “Anti-Mom” story, I Salute you and this One’s for You! Dont be afraid to tell your Truth of being a Woman who is Also a Mom!! Happy Mommie’s Day!

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(Victorya Joi Howze-Tisdale, 4 years old)

Thank you for choosing me as your mom. Its because of you that I have an extra day besides my birthday to celebrate me!

Be You, Stay True, & Live B.R.A.V.E. (Bold Resilient Authentic Victorious Empowered)

TakimaHWrites

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Year End 2015: The Capacity to Be B.R.A.V.E™

I cannot believe a new year is dawning. As I sit here reflecting on my year of 2015 and watching the highlights of Christian Cultural Center’s message from 2015, the word for the year was Capacity and boy did I experience my own capacity!

God does all things well and He truly showed me that I had more in Me than I thought I ever could have imagined. The one illustration that stuck out to me that Pastor AR Bernard did was he had a water bottle and said “This bottle has the capacity to hold 5 gallons”. Now if you look at it, its a few oz bottle , how could it hold 5 gallons? He poured out the contents and the bottle was empty which gave it the Capacity to be filled, and filled, and filled again. That tells me and You that when you are filled pour yourself out to be filled again and that is how you build your capacity!

Looking at my 2015, I truly learned what it meant to not only build my capacity I learned how to Be B.R.A.V.E.™
2015 I faced so any challenges.

I was challenged to be Bold and stand up for myself and in the promises of God. I faced eviction and God came through Mightily for me

I was challenged to be Resilient and to not give up on my dream of becoming a writer and entreprenuer. There were so many time I wanted to give up but I didnt. As a result I independently published my First book: The Pursuit of Self: Discovering who you are in the midst of chaos.

I completly accepted myself and learned to be Truly and Unapologetically Authentic. Not just as a person but in all that do in life and my business.

I was blessed to be able to be Victorious in all the things God gave me to do. I said Yes to my purpose journey and I believe that God Can and Will do All things in my life that pertain to Life and Life more Abundantly.

I was Empowered to inspire others with my story. For so long I was afraid to share my story openly but once I became B.R.A.V.E.™ and told my story I saw lives start to change, oh what a feeling!

So if you can’t tell, I was given the Capacity to Be B.R.A.V.E.™

I want to encourage you to Pursue a Life to Be B.R.A.V.E.™ in 2016! My year in 2015  was filled with much obstacles and challenges but I know that I am built for More and so are You!

In 2016,
Be You, Stay True, Pursue and Be B.R.A.V.E™

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-TakimaHWrites

In The Spirit of…

Hello Fellow Readers!

I’m Back! I’ve been on hiatus for a while but within good reason. My book “The Pursuit of Self: Discovering who you are in the midst of chaos” was released in November! I am so excited! You can now purchase on Amazon.com or via my createspace store. I am so proud of the fact that I finished my book , its out and in the hands of those that need to read it.

I am also working on the finishing touches of my new Life and Writing Development Program called “The B.R.A.V.E. Life™”. If you have ever felt like you are living a life of chaos, youre facing so many challenges and dont know how to over come them and/or you want to share your story with others, let’s chat!

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Have you ever had something you’ve wanted to do and when you finally did it you still couldn’t believe it was actually done? Yep! That’s my feeling right now!

So Back to “#WhatsTrending…”

So, its holiday season and we are geared up to celebrate, eat, open presents and such right? Well in the spirit of the season there are a few things I want to touch on because “tis the season to be jolly”, right?

Well this past weekend, it has all but been jolly for the funny man himself Steve Harvey. As we all know the debacle that happened with Steve during the Miss Universe pageant I have a few questions for society, of course in the “spirit” of the season:

1. Aren’t we human beings? Last time I checked we ALL make mistakes. The bible even says ,” All have fallen short of the glory” so why is the world in such an uproar about a misread card? Last time I checked no one is named Jesus Christ and is perfect

2. How many times must a man apologize to be redeemed for his obvious mistake. We as a society hold people to such an impossible standard that we will plummul someone if they don’t live up to the high standard set. I would love to see others live there and see how long they can last in perfection… I’ll wait…

3. Are the memes necessary? Its all laugh and funnies until its about you right? I get it, its a joke but 2 minutes after the situation memes out the woodworks? Its one thing to constantly hear about it on the news (because it made headlines) but to be on social media Constantly for a Mistake that ANY human person could and Does make is cyber bullying as its best!

4. Is forgiveness a thing of the past? Steve has profusely apologized and acknowledged his error. It seems no one is paying attention. It doesn’t matter because why? He just should been more careful? I get it , some of us struggle with forgiving people. We view it as “you made a mistake now I have the right to remind you over and over that you are flawed human being like me”. See how asanine that is?

5. In the spirit of ridicule… Yes I said it! This is another opportunity for society to hammer on someone and ridicule them because they are human. Too often we take the flaws of others, make it headline news just to make ourselves feel better about the flawed individuals We are. What a selfish generation we are to think we are better than others. It truly makes me sick to my stomach to see the hurtful things people are saying and to see a man trying to reclaim his name as “America’s favorite host”.

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I know that the show and it’s contestants will forever be scarred because of the error, but that’s what it was an error. I feel as a society we pick and choose what “errors” to drive in the ground and which ones to praise, I.e. Donald Trump, polls have been sky rocketing, need I say more? Now I’m not turning this into a race issue because it isn’t, however in the spirit of forgiveness and humanity how long will we harp on it? Look at what was done and focus on what is Being done as a result. If anything this is a lesson of pure humility and taking responsibility for one’s actions, something many Do Not Do! Let’s just be honest.

I challenge everyone to take a good, hard look at themselves and be honest about their errors and gage how people would view them if on display. If every flub, mishap, debcale was publicized for the world to see how would you feel? Being a public figure isn’t easy and not so easy to handle, so before you lift that hand to point that finger, keep in mind there are four other fingers pointing back at you.

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So in the spirit of the season, let forgiveness and love rule and let ridicule, finger pointing and name calling die.

That’s my 5 cents.

Until next time
Be You, Stay True and Pursue!
TakimaHWrites